helenps was a quiet, resouceful Progen Sentinel. She never cherry-picked her 'roids, always obeyed the warp cap, and listened raptly to everything Vinda had to tell her. In short, she was a model "PE", as they were called. She was advancing quickly, and could almost taste the glory of the day when someone would call her "Magister".

Conversely, l337d00d was a loner of a Terran. Warping through the cosmos with a devil-may-care sig. on his ship. He lived for finding unsuspecting Bogeril and blowing them apart. As a covert member of Section 6, d00d barely adhered to the power structure of the Enforcers, even going so far as telling Herrera himself to "kiss my Zets". He was a rebel, and was loved by his comrades for his 'take no prisoners, missiles are cheap' attitude.

So it came to pass one day that l337d00d was "hunting" for RD faction in Freya. As he was blowing away yet another defenseless Chavez scout, he noticed an odd blip on his radar. Craning his neck to see, he caught sight of helenps quietly warping through the sector on her way mine. "My goodness!", he gasped. "The sweet juxtaposition of her angular ship in flight with her curvy Progen shields! And her engine! A Solar Sail! Only a woman of class could be noticed when her engines scream 'Don't look at me!'" [Ed. Note: All of d00d's dialogue has been translated from l337-speak.]

Unable to contain himself, d00d sent her the standard pick-up line among the Enforcers: "WTB WH to carp." Stunned at the audacity of asking for a wormhole when only those Jenquai cry-babies could do such a thing, helen dropped out of warp and approached him with caution.

"Are you STUPID?!", she hotly typed back. However, She couldn't help but notice the size of his shield cap. Impressive.

From that day on, they shared many moments together. Eventually, d00d could not control himself no longer. He hired the best JE friend he could find, gathered many resources, and had the friend build a beautiful 200% Platinum-Ruby ring for helen. "helen", d00d asked, voice quaking, "will you marry me, or at least promise to forever share your l00t with me?" helen had been ready for this, and produced a ring of her own, "Yes, d00d, I will".

They were married by Loric, who took precious time from his gate-building schedule to officiate the ceremony. It was attended by pilots from all walks of life and all races. The service was beautiful, and was only marred twice by d00d's friends warping off to kill unsuspecting V'rix. The honeymoon was a whirlwind tour of 'pwz0ring' navs in Cooper, with the ultimate goal of getting helen to the next 'PL' level. It worked, and their relationship was all the sweeter.

But things eventually took a turn for the worse. d00d was gone more and more, supposedly off "raiding the base and the gate", but helen received reports he was seen suspiciously orbiting Mercury Station in Glory's Orbit. Eventually, when she could take it no longer, she confronted him. "d00d! I never see you! We never group! Where is this relationship going?!"

"It's ok, baby, I'm working.", he answered. But as he said it, his eyes betrayed him, and he glanced at his brand new device slot, illegally installed in GO that morning.

"I knew it", she said. "That's it, d00d, this relationship is over!" She warped away, disappearing into Mars Beta where he could not follow.

[Ed. Note: Quotes unsubstantiated and based on alleged converstion. Kahn could not be reached for comment about the validity of quoted material]

"KHAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!", d00d cried, just as starship captains had been crying since the late 20th century.

"What?", his ship's transmitter replied. Anjuren Khan was on the line, answering the summons. d00d had left his ship on voice dial again.

"I need help!", d00d sobbed. "helen has left me, and I have nowhere to turn."

"Well, then." Khan considered. "Simply bring me 10 Medals of the Mondara Shear, and you relationship will be saved." d00d resolutely set about one-shotting V'rix, collecting the medals feverishly. When he had 10, he returned to Khan.

"Here they are, sir! Just like you asked. Where's helen?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah. She's not coming back. But thanks for the medals. Here's a reward to ease your pain".

Bereft of hope, d00d tried one last time to contact helen. Surprisingly, it worked. "Yes, d00d, what do you want?" she asked frostily.

"Come back to me! You know I'm a good man! I am l337!"

"No, d00d, you made your choice. Be happy with it". Then, to cement the break, she casually turned and, while he could hear, asked a passing JE for a wormhole.

Shattered, d00d slowly warped to Mercury Station to meet his mistress,(allegedly the curator at Mercury Station) while helen quietly took that WH to Carp.

[Ed Note: the names in this story are fictitious. Any resemblence to real characters is coincidental. If you feel you actually do resemble the characters in this story, please seek professional help.]