Greetings, Intrepid Spacefarers! I regret to inform you that Diciple Zebtor is, alas, no more. Say hello to Master Zebtor! Hm. There seems to be a pattern emerging here. Another article, another promotion. I knew it! Merjan must be a fan of column! At this rate, I'll be Grandmaster Streetrapper Z by New Years!

Sorry I've been gone so long, my devoted Zeb-philes, but ever since the war broke out I've had my hands posatively full, what with the running and the hiding and the screaming and more running. And that's just me in Paren Station's Disco! You should see me after I finally shove off into space, flirting with death while mining delicious Space Rocks out in my usual stomping grounds, past the Intzalan Line. I'm an absolute nervous wreck. Did you know that I'm on a first-name basis with the Hidden One? I thing I might be going insane! The last time I docked at Detention Center Onorom, the Progen attendant tried to have me committed! Ha ha! Is that not Fabu!?

Item! It turns out that the V'rix are actually evil spacebugs bent on our destruction! I told you so eight months ago, but does anyone really take the Gossip page seriously?! Might be a good time to start, in this humble chronicler's opinion! I was scraping bugs off my windshield MONTHS before it became fashionable, but do you think anyone will give me any credit for it? Oh well. It's a cruel universe. So if you haven't done so already, strap in your ship's fightin' gear and let's go show those overgrown locusts what we're made of! It's easy, just aim for the scaly, knobby bits. Heck, who am I kidding, V'rix ain't nothin' BUT scaly knobby bits! There I go again, speaking like a Brogeril. That darn Zeke Garret gone done and rubbed off a bit o' his rustic-like frontier-talk on me, dad gurnit!

Perhaps the biggest talk bouncing around on the hyperbeam transmissions is about the new "In" look. You know what I mean. Ugly is the new black! It seems like everyone and their brother is sporting the trendy "Mutated" look. Though strangely, it doesn't seem to be voluntary in every case. I witnessed one Jenquai running through Jove's Fury holding his head in his hands screaming "My Face! My average, average face!" A lot of folks are saying that the mutations are a result of the consumption of Play-O brand candy. While this may very well be true, there is only one hard-and-fast rule my mother taught me when I was just a wee little Jenquai: Don't take candy from strange space monsters!

Regardless of the circumstances, as your local style expert and confidant, I can tell you with some degree of authority that this look is definitely here to stay. That is, until the holiday season - that's when the Young Zombies At The Prom look is due for it's third retro-kitch comeback!

That's all for now! Stay tuned for more celebrity reports, gossip, slander and heresay!

Zebtor Out!